Code Geass: Regrets and Reconcilement
by Akino Kasumi
Summary: Post Zero Requiem. Six months after Zero Requiem, Suzaku is left broken. "If given another chance, what would you have done?" "I think... I would choose to stay by his side from the very beginning." Slight SuzaLulu (if you choose to view it through shipping goggles).


_**Prologue**_

"_Suzaku." Emerald orbs turned to meet violet, questioning._

"_There's something I want to talk to you about when you return. It's something important... and serious." _

_Ah, that's right. He'd remembered the solemn look that Lelouch gave then. 'Huh? Sounds scary,' was his casual reply before he had hurriedly left with Cecile. In the end he never found out what Lelouch had wanted to say. Now that he thought about it, miscommunication was one crucial factor that'd led to the many misunderstandings and subsequent clashes between them. If only he had stayed a little while more to talk to him then. Now was his chance._

"_You can talk to me about it now, you know." This time, Suzaku was determined not to risk missing anything that could be vital._

"_But..." He didn't need to look to know that Lelouch was diverting his gaze to the blue-haired scientist behind him._

"_It's fine!" Suzaku insisted. "My friend and I have something important that we need to talk about. I'll catch up with you shortly. Is it okay, Cecile-san?" Earnest green eyes met blue._

_Cecile nodded understandingly. "Alright, I'll meet you at the entrance. But don't take too long, okay? You know Lloyd." With that, she smiled and hurried off._

"_So? What is it that you wanted to talk about?" Suzaku turned his attention back to Lelouch and smiled reassuringly._

"_A-Ah, that's right. It's about Nunnally..." Lelouch turned to glance at the person in question uncertainly._

_Suzaku nodded. "Nunnally!" He called cheerfully. "What is it, Suzaku-san?" replied a sweet and gentle voice. "I'll be borrowing Lelouch for a while!" He winked and motioned for Lelouch to follow him to somewhere further away where they wouldn't be heard._

"_So..." Suzaku looked at Lelouch expectantly._

"_Y-Yes..." It was unlike Lelouch to stutter. _

"_Kururugi Suzaku."_

_Suzaku jumped slightly at the sudden address. "...Yes?"_

"_I want you to become Nunnally's knight, and protect her." Conviction filled purple orbs._

"_No." Suzaku blurted without thinking. 'No, that's not right,' was what he thought immediately._

_Purple eyes widened, then narrowed. Suzaku could have sworn he saw a flash of red. "Why!? I thought you..." Lelouch stopped abruptly, remembering to compose himself. Anxiety in his expression faded almost immediately._

"_Lelouch?"_

_Lelouch shifted this gaze to the ground. "It's nothing. Just, what do you mean by..." He inquired softly._

_Suzaku smiled apologetically. He then stiffened his stance. "Not just Nunnally."_

"_...Huh?" Purple orbs shifted from the ground to meet emerald, genuine confusion in his eyes._

"_I'll protect you too. So I'll be both your knights. Both Lelouch's and Nunnally's."_

_Purple eyes widened, this time in surprise. Lelouch looked momentarily stunned. Suzaku gently placed a hand on his cheek and patted it. Lelouch snapped back to his senses, slapping Suzaku's hand away immediately._

"_I-Idiot! I asked you to become Nunnally's knight, not mine! Besides, it's not like I need you to protect me! I have the power to protect myself..." Lelouch's voice trailed off as a light blush colored his cheeks._

_Suzaku raised a hand near his mouth to make a coughing sound, trying his best to stifle a giggle. 'Yea, I'm sure you do,' was what he wanted to say, but he decided against it. Instead—_

"_That coming from someone who has trouble even with climbing a tree on his own, or chasing a cat, for that matter-" He grinned teasingly._

_Purple eyes glared at him. "Idiot! That was a long time ago! Besides," Lelouch crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "I don't want to hear __that coming from someone who has the most** trouble** with __the cat in question__ on a daily basis."_

_Suzaku chuckled, not bothering to hide his amusement this time. "Hai, hai. Whatever you say, Your Majesty." Lelouch's eyes squinted a little at that, but he smiled nonetheless._

"_Suzaku—"_

"_Well, I should be going now. I think Cecile-san must have waited long enough." He grinned sheepishly. "See you!" With that, Suzaku waved and hurriedly turned to leave._

"_Yea, see you..." Lelouch raised his hand to wave._

"_Idiot..." Suzaku could hear Lelouch mutter under his breath. From the corner of his eyes he could see relief sweep over those familiar bright purple orbs that shone with brilliance. Suzaku was glad that he was able to lift some weight off those slender shoulders that he had witnessed collapsing carrying the burden of the world. He flinched at the thought. He resolved to make sure that nothing went wrong this time. He would not allow those precious amethyst orbs to lose their light again._

"_Not to the Geass, not to the world."_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_"Zero! Zero! Zero! Zero!" The crowd chants, obscuring Nunnally's hysterical cries. Suzaku simply stood, tears pouring out behind the mask. He felt a dull ache in his chest, as if he was the one being stabbed. The pain was becoming excruciating. He dropped his sword, and clutched the left side of his chest with both his hands. When he removed his hands to look at them, crimson liquid was flowing through his fingers. Blood. Whose blood?_

**_'Live!' _**_The voice commanded as soon as that mere thought came to his mind._

His eyes snapped open. He wiped the perspiration from his forehead using the back of his hand, and lowered it to cover his eyes. Six months. It had been six months since Zero Requiem. He remembered it clearly. He had been having nightmares of that day whenever he slept. "Lelouch, I.. Ugh!" There it was, the ache that had begun to plague him ever since that day. He clutched his chest and slowed his breathing. That way the pain would fade after a while, as it usually did... He sighed. He never told Nunnally about it, lest it worried her. She was one of the few who knew of his true identity. After becoming 'Zero', his duty was basically to be the symbol that he was, besides attending meetings and protecting Nunnally. Zero was now Nunnally's 'knight'. Suzaku managed a smile at the thought, but it fell immediately.

He tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. He figured he should do something about his insomnia, or he was going to be broken soon enough. _Maybe he already was. _He tilted his head to look at the clock by his bedside. Midnight. He sighed and threw the blanket over his head. He tried to think of happier times. The days he spent with Lelouch and Nunnally at the Kururugi Shrine and the days spent with everyone at Ashford Academy. _I wish everything would go back to how it was..._ He knew it was a selfish thought. But he suddenly had an idea. Carefully, he removed a small box from his bedside drawer and opened it. _Refrain. _Hand shaking, he took the injector and pressed the needle to his forearm—and injected the drug. _'This is your punishment.' 'Live!' _He stopped. Realizing what he was doing, he hastily pulled out the injector and threw it hard on the ground. He buried his face in his knees. "What the hell am I doing..."He whispered, gritting his teeth. But the drug had begun to take effect. He felt images of the past flash through his mind, and before his eyes.

_Suzaku peered timidly into the old storehouse of the Kururugi Shrine. He was bothered by what had happened during his first meeting with the Britannian guests, even though he didn't understand why. He was not really sorry for being rude; it was **them **at fault for invading **his** territory anyway—_

_"What are you doing here?"_

_Suzaku was snapped out of his thoughts by the sudden voice. He stepped out from hiding and stood at the door sheepishly, hands behind his back._

_"Oh it's **you**." What was his name—Lelouch, was it? His tone sounded arrogant and haughty, and it angered Suzaku. Suzaku opened his mouth to retort- _

_"What's your name?" Despite the fact that Lelouch was folding his arms in a **demanding **manner and was **demanding** his name, his purple eyes looked sincere, so Suzaku decided to swallow his words._

_"Kururugi Suzaku."_

_"Kururu-?"_

_Suzaku rolled his eyes. "Suzaku."_

_Lelouch nodded. "Suzaku. I'm Lelouch," He gestured to his sister. "And this is Nunnally. Come in if you want." _

_Why! This guy was already treating the place as if it were **his**! Suzaku pouted, but followed him into the storehouse anyway. He greeted Nunnally, and remembering what he had done during their first encounter, felt bad when he met her closed eyes. He pursed his lips, and his hands fidgeted behind his back. Lelouch did not fail to notice this and narrowed his eyes. He swiftly snatched the bunch of flowers that Suzaku was hiding behind his back—_

_"H-Hey! Give it back!" With that, Suzaku easily took the flowers back from Lelouch. _

_Lelouch frowned. "What's that?"_

_"Flowers, you fool!" _

_Lelouch rolled his eyes. "I know! I'm asking what's it for!"_

_"W-Well..." Suzaku stumbled with his words. Not knowing what to say, he shoved the bunch of flowers into Nunnally's hands. "I'm s-sorry!" He said in a loud voice. Lelouch's purple eyes widened and Nunnally tilted her head. Suzaku blushed. He was shocked himself—he thought he hadn't meant to apologize. Nunnally ran her hands through the flowers. Smelling them, she smiled sweetly. "Arigatou, Suzaku-san. That's how you say 'thank you' in Japanese, right?" "Y-Yeah!" Suzaku managed a grin, scratching the back of his head._

_"Hmph." Lelouch folded his arms, looking unimpressed. "Nunnally is **my** sister. **I'll **be the one to give her flowers! You did something unnecessary. B-But thank you, I guess." Lelouch didn't know what to think of the Japanese boy; he didn't like him at first, but since he had made Nunnally smile... _

_"I have something for you too." Suzaku rummaged through his pockets and took out a few pieces of slightly deformed chocolates, which Lelouch hesitantly took from him. "Sweets." Suzaku offered. Lelouch narrowed his eyes._

_"Flowers **and **chocolates? What is this? Valentine's Day? What an idio—" Lelouch blushed as he realized what he had just said and did his best to glare at Suzaku in order to hide his embarrassment. _

_"I-Idiot! Boys don't give one another chocolates!" _

_"What? I've never heard of such a rule! Fine! I'll bring something else next time, okay?" Fortunately, Suzaku was oblivious to what Lelouch had meant. With that, he turned to leave. Nunnally giggled and Lelouch heaved a sigh of relief. _

_Then he rolled his eyes and shouted after Suzaku. "What? 'Next time'? Who ever said that you could come back, moron!" But he could not help but feel the corner of his lips twitch upwards._

_Later Suzaku would often visit Lelouch and Nunnally, they would play together and become best friends._

Suzaku felt the world around him spin. His throat felt dry. Somewhere at the back of his mind he knew he had to snap out of it, but he couldn't bear to... He suddenly felt a soft pair of lips press against his. Emerald eyes widened. "Sleep." A voice whispered. His world went black.

No nightmares. It had been months since he had such a peaceful sleep. He struggled to open his eyes as he smelled something pungent in the room. _Pizza. _He tried to look around the room to locate the source of the smell, and did his best to sit up. His shoulders felt stiff. His stomach grumbled.

"I won't be giving you my last slice, you know." Lime green hair, amber eyes. C.C. . He hadn't met her ever since she left on a trip after Zero Requiem. His head hurt as he tried to think. Wearing a red lolita dress, C.C. was sitting on the couch across the room, munching on her last slice of pizza in one hand and cuddling her favorite Cheese-kun in another. Suzaku counted four pizza boxes strewn across the floor. C.C. glanced at the floor beside Suzaku and narrowed her eyes at him. Suzaku followed her gaze to the Refrain injector on the floor. He placed a palm to his forehead and remained silent. His cheeks felt wet.

"How embarrassing, crying in your sleep." C.C. remarked with a cold tone.

"If you really wanted to die you could always pay the orange plantation a visit, you know." C.C. looked at him, unimpressed. Suzaku lowered his hand to his lap_. Jeremiah._ _Geass canceller, huh. _

_"_No." He lowered his gaze to his hands. "This is my punishment. I promised Lelouch. I will not give up the Geass—his _wish_ for me. And I have to look after Nunnally too... "

C.C. rolled her eyes. "And he made me promise to look after _you." _Emerald eyes met amber, widened, then fell. C.C. smiled as she remembered Lelouch's final words to her. _'I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill my promise to you.' That's not true, she'd thought. I'm smiling even now, aren't I? 'Take care, and...' And? 'Look after Suzaku for me. It'll be hard on him...' C.C. simply nodded._

"I see. Thanks, but you really don't have to..." Suzaku's voice trailed off. "Why are you here anyway?"

"_Right, _I have simply returned from a little trip to the countryside and _happened _to pay you a little visit, and find you in this sorry state. What do you even think you're doing, _boy_?" Not letting go of her plushie, C.C. walked to the side of the bed, picked up the Zero mask by the bedside, sat beside Suzaku, and started to caress it. Suzaku glanced sideways at her but remained silent.

"...If given another chance, what would you have done?" C.C. broke the silence, inquiring softly.

Suzaku pursed his lips. And remembered. Remembered how he had opposed to Zero's ideals and insisted on changing the system from within, but ultimately realized how naïve he was, just as Zero had tried to tell him from the beginning. Remembered how he had blamed Lelouch for Euphie's death without knowing the whole truth, shot him, sold him to the emperor. Remembered how he had tried to use Nunnally. He remembered doubting Lelouch for Shirley's death. He remembered how he trampled on Lelouch, the look in Lelouch's eyes, how he knew then that Lelouch was trying to carry everything by himself on those small and slender shoulders of his again. He remembered the look in Lelouch's eyes when he had thought that Suzaku had betrayed him again. He remembered when he fired the FLEIJA, the horror he had felt in thinking that he had killed Nunnally. He remembered Zero Requiem. He remembered how they had both laughed bitterly once they had clarified all the facts before Zero Requiem, and the regrets they had both felt then. If only they had _talked_.

That was not to say he thought Lelouch's methods were right. He would not thank him for what he'd done, because his sins were that grave. He caused the death of many, and although it might have been an accident, it was a fact that he had caused Euphie's death as well. Lelouch had chosen death as atonement for his sins. Suzaku had to admit that sometimes he was envious of Lelouch for being able to die, while he couldn't. But he knew it was only fair that he was living his share of the punishment. Lelouch had given everyone a better future at the expense of his own. Well, except for Suzaku- except for _him_, Suzaku thought miserably. But he wasn't angry at Lelouch—not anymore. Suzaku had long stopped being angry at Lelouch. He just felt empty sometimes. _'Zero', huh._ No, that wasn't it. The future would just feel incomplete without Lelouch. _He missed him. _

He buried his face in his knees. "I... If given another chance, I think... I would choose to stay by his side from the very beginning." Even if he did not agree with Zero, it was different with Lelouch. Together, they could do anything. Things could have been different...

"Very well. You said Geass is a 'wish'?" He felt a hand on top of his. His eyes widened as the world around him began to spin. "This will be your Geass. Your wish."

"...Why are you helping me?"

"Because C.C. is Zero's accomplice."

"Thank you." He squeezed her hand.

"Hmph. Although I have to let you know, I have no idea what's going to happen from here on."

* * *

**A/N: 'I have no idea what's going to happen,'- Me neither. So... How was it? Actually, if you look at my previous works (2, which are from eons ago), you'd know that this is essentially my first ever fanfic... *laughs nervously* I never expected it to be this long, though. Has anyone actually bothered to finish reading this *crosses fingers*? Thank you for reading~ Please read and review! By the way, the beginning part of the prologue is from Episode 17. 'I won't say thank you. Your sins are that grave.'- That's from Kiseki no Birthday. Umm, to be continued (?)**

**Disclaimer: Code Geass and all its characters belong to Sunrise and their creators!**


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